Vanilla Mythology
Posted on in essay/article
Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne
Was it Mrs. Gump who said Vanilla is as Vanilla does?
What I am proposing with this simple little entry is that quite probably the term vanilla (when applied to sexuality) just might be on the verge of vernacular extinction.
Case in point: I was recently discussing said topic with a college student I am tutoring (yes, he does flirt and yes, I do tease) when he told me that, “These days, if you’re not kinky, people think you’re weird.” I got such a kick out of that, as you might imagine. Particularly since this certainly wasn’t the case only a few years ago when I, myself, was a student!
But you have to admit that my little friend could very well be onto something here. And it emphasizes my rather vague—but nonetheless valid—suggestion that, just perhaps, when it comes to the difference between vanilla and kink we might just be splitting hairs.
His comment got my admittedly little (but always industrious) brain to pondering upon the glorious games boys and girls have forever played. (The problem for the boys is that nobody has ever told them that the girls always win. They—aching members in hand—go directly to jail and do not pass go, while we—oblivious and sexy in our nylons and heels—are busy buying Park Place and building little red hotels.)
Another gentleman recently regaled me with stories of his search for a Mistress throughout the 1960s and early 1970s, when even finding reference to such things was next to impossible. Yet search he did, eventually exchanging long-distance missives with a number of “incognito” Pro-Dommes.
So maybe things weren’t always as vanilla as we’ve supposed? Perhaps kink is all a matter of one’s particular perspective? Could it be that the only difference between then and now is that rather than hiding or burying our sexual proclivities, we embrace them?
Wasn’t it Janis Joplin that said, “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose?”
Anyway…just some food for thought.
July 25th, 2006 12:31 pm
Every generation is shocked & amazed to find that “kinky” was not discovered in the last 5 years of their own particular consciouness.
Previous generations have ALWAYS been kinky – hidden, yes. But always, always, always there — and acted upon.
People who came of age in the 60’s (who believed they alone had discovered free sex) were astonished to find out all the kinky stuff their parents generation had done (minus the weed, no doubt). And their parents, no doubt, were astonished to learn that Their Parents did kinky stuff too!
Ain’t nuthin’ bein’ done now that ain’t been done before. And then some.
July 25th, 2006 12:56 pm
Here! Here! I second what Luci said. Been there, done that, bought the leather T-shirt.
July 25th, 2006 2:40 pm
Gasping! Please don’t tell me that my parents were (are) engaging in the same things I am (have)!
Another brilliant observation, ASL!
July 27th, 2006 1:53 pm
Luci says it well. I remember a writer talking of his youth at the end of the 19th century writing of how his generation thought they’d discovered sex for the first time in human history.
Kink was certainly about in the early 70s. But you had to live in big cities or subscribe to certain ugly looking tabloids. And much of the most interesting F/m illustration dates from the early 20th century.
The latent sexuality that might unfold if religion and social fears could be removed is one of the most interesting and most saddening aspects of society.
July 29th, 2006 3:48 pm
Thanks for the comments everybody. Long live KinK!
August 10th, 2006 4:59 pm
I think, with time, things that one generation calls “kinky” become the norm with the next.
For example, things such as swinging almost seem mainstram nowdays…
I’m enjoying the blog; I’ll certainly come back for more!
PS> Lucky student!
August 11th, 2006 3:51 am
Thanks…I do hope you will return often.
August 13th, 2006 9:03 pm
Lucky boy…where do I sing up for your lessons?